Posted by: rainbowclovers | February 2, 2012

It’s War.

So basically, MBLAQ came back with a new song called “It’s War”. I heard it on the day it was released but never really got to blogging about it.

This morning, I woke up and saw this video that killed me. I already know it’s gonna be the highlight of my day and I just woke up.

Basically, just follow along with the order of my videos.

The MV is here :

So basically, Joon (0:27), is like some sort of assassin kinda dude. He was sent to kill the girl, but he couldn’t do it. So then, as he’s running away with her to safety, she got shot. He took her to his buddy’s place (buddy is played by Thunder; the dude at 3:25). Unfortunately, the girl fell in love with Thunder during their time together. Joon’s character gets pissed and yeah. The rest of the video should be self-explanatory.

If you didn’t already, really focus on 4:19 to 4:42. Notice how he got shot and then he collapses?

Well, there’s also a really cool live performance of it where they made it appear as if Joon actually got shot.

It happens around 2:50, but here’s the live performance:

So then, recently, MBLAQ was performing the song on a radio show. As all the members did the shooting pose, Joon was supposed to make a groan as he “got shot”.

And well…

and then he upgraded his… noise…

Oh gosh, Joon. You’re amazing.

Posted by: rainbowclovers | January 31, 2012

Disappointment.

Quite frankly, I think disappointment is one of the worst feeling ever; whether it’s in yourself or by others.

I just finished all my exams for the semester.

My first exam was for English and it went fairly well. I don’t want to jinx it, but I do hope that it allows me to maintain my current mark.

My second exam was for Accounting. At first, I thought I did fairly well but then the rest of the exam was iffy. I ended up leaving one question completely blank. In all fairness though, I kind of gave up on accounting so I won’t beat myself up too bad for that exam unless it drops my mark even lower than it was (then I’ll cry a gallon of tears).

My last exam, which I just completed a few hours ago, was for Biology. I studied a fair amount and I was fairly confident walking into the exam. Well… I ain’t feeling that anymore. That was probably the dumbest exam in the history of exams. Honestly, I was tested on the finer details that we hardly focused on as much throughout the course. Looking back at the exam review guidelines, a lot of crap that we were told to study wasn’t even on the damn exam or it was completely different from how it was thought to be. Then, looking back at my notes throughout the semester, the things that were on the exam were concepts that we briefly touched upon or took up half a line on four pages of chapter notes. I’m pissed. I wasn’t expecting much. All I wanted was an 80% so I can maintain my current grade, but now I’d be lucky to even pass the damn exam. *flipsdesk*

And it doesn’t stop there… not only did I feel like I flunked that exam despite the hours I invested in it, everyone else in my class seemed to think it was a breeze. Despite the fact that we were given 2 and a half hours to complete the exam, a lot of people took only one hour or one and a half hours. I don’t know whether they thought it was extremely easy or they just didn’t know what to do anymore. Whatever the case, I feel like that exam was killer. Not fair. At all.

I’m now considering filling in my spare period next semester with another course to boost my average.

Or… I don’t sleep next semester and somehow get a 95% in every class.

Or… I give up now and just not go to any university since I clearly won’t be accepted into any of the schools I actually want to be accepted into.

Posted by: rainbowclovers | January 25, 2012

Exam time!

Now that it’s the end of the semester, things are finally coming to a close.

I don’t know how else to describe the feeling but by saying it’s bittersweet. As much as I would love to start fresh with a new semester, I’ve grown too accustomed to this one. Plus, once next semester is finished, all my friends and I are off to different universities and paths and who knows when we’ll see each other next?

This semester gave me SBI4U first period (biology), BAT4M second period (accounting), lunch, a spare (no class), and ENG4U last period (English). At the beginning of the semester, it’d be a lie to say that I liked all my classes, the students in them, and the work assigned. I feared my teachers and how they would grade my work, whether or not they were biased and favoured certain students, or if they were those unprepared teachers who procrastinated more than I do. Some of that is still true.

At the end of the day though, Biology was really enjoyable. I loved the people in my class and how excited they were to learn, how funny they were, and the entire environment. My teacher was easy-going but fair. She gave a decent amount of work and assignments and I felt that she was a good teacher. It’s unfortunate that she’ll be leaving after this semester to go traveling. My accounting class could have been a lot better. Despite the fact that it’s an university/college course, one “level” lower than an university course, it’s the reason why my average isn’t at where I want it to be. The class was harder than it suggested and it was dreadful to say the least. I am SO glad that it’s over. English was the class that I entered feeling iffy about. As much as I liked the teacher, I couldn’t say the same about my classmates and the types of assignments I was told I would be doing. Now that the semester is ending though, I realized that my class was actually a lot better than I thought it to be. No one bothered me and I (hopefully) didn’t bother anyone. We all tried our hardest and I think we didn’t mind each others presence. My spare was meant for me to be able to do more work, get ahead, or just take some time to myself. Unfortunately, none of my close friends had a spare with me. On the other hand though, I befriended much more people and got close with past classmates that I never really spoke with. It was probably my most anticipated period of the day (aside from lunch! hehe). I will actually miss all my classmates, most of my teachers, and the fun that I have had.

Next semester will be waaay different from this one. I’ll have Economics first period, a spare second period, lunch, International Business fourth period, and then Canadian&International Law last period. I’m looking forward to all my classes (despite the fact that people tell me Law will be very difficult). Sigh.

Aside from courses, I am currently on my exam schedule. I just finished my English exam a couple of hours ago and now I should be prepping for my next exam on Friday for accounting. It’s my lowest mark and you would think that I would put more effort into the course but I’m not. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? My last exam will be next Tuesday for Biology. Then, I’ll have next Wednesday and Thursday off with Friday being exam-review/intro to next semester.

Putting school aside, let’s talk about Universities…

I have currently been accepted into 1/4 of the universities that I applied to. The one school that accepted me was my last-option university. I guess it’s better than nothing and I should just be glad that an university even accepted my sorry ass. A lot of my friends and classmates have slowly been accepted into my first-choice university and it’s making me very nervous. There’s still a lot of time left before deadlines for acceptances but I feel like I’m slowly losing confidence in myself. What am I doing wrong? Sigh.

Anyways, in the last week or so, there’s been a lot of buzz about seven teens who beat up one Asian boy who’s 17 years old. If you wish, you can watch the video on Youtube. A lot of famous Youtubers have made response videos to the attack and I think they really hit some of the key points.

David So’s response:

Though David’s response was funny yet deep and meaningful, I really, really liked that J. Reyez had to say:

The whole attack video was just hard to watch. I don’t understand the need to beat someone up, especially to that degree. Though it was said that the Asian boy had initiated the fights months ago, it’s still not right to retaliate. Though, I’ll admit, maybe fighting back gives you the satisfaction now but will you still feel that proud later on?

On another note, I think I’m starting to really like HyunA and 4minute’s songs. It’s a pretty old video/song, but here’s “Mirror Mirror”:

I should get going on studying (or get distracted by movies) but yeeah…

P.S – It’s my first time attempting to add a poll into my posts. If you can, please vote! 🙂

Posted by: rainbowclovers | January 25, 2012

Stress

Work.

Piling up.

Exams.

Worrying.

Stress.

Magnifying.

Pressure.

Weighing down.

Explode.

Posted by: rainbowclovers | January 8, 2012

All my tears.

Tears because school is tomorrow.

Oh god, I feel like I didn’t accomplish half the things I wanted to do this break but I did get a good amount of sleep. I woke up at 9:00 AM today and my first thought was, “I’m so screwed since I have to wake up at 7:00 AM for school days.” Sigh. The first day of school will be fine but starting on Tuesday onwards, it’ll be full of tests, assignments, presentations and much more. Now that the first semester is finally coming to an end, things are all crazy! Teachers need more marks before our exams at the end of January.

Aside from school work, I also have to start finishing up my University applications. Half of the universities I applied to require some sort of mini-essay about myself, my endeavours, and etc… I need to get cracking.

More tears because I just watched the finale of Wizards of Waverly Place.

I know it sounds childish, but Disney has been with me since childhood. When I was a kid, “Lizzie McGuire” and “That’s So Raven” were one of my favourite shows. After they ended/stopped airing as much, I kind of moved on. I didn’t watch Disney for a short period of time until my friends started making all this hype about “Hannah Montana”. I started watching that during it’s first season and I’ll admit that I was hooked. I think I was in… grade six? Sometime around there. I liked the idea of the show (unrealistic as it was) and it made me laugh. Then, “Wizards of Waverly Place” came on and I liked it even more. While “Hannah Montana” was probably more popular, I liked Wizards a lot more. In terms of idols, I much prefer Miley over Selena. In interviews or radio talks, I find that Miley is much more funny and easy-going. While I won’t talk about her scandals, I think that in general… Miley’s just more real? Which isn’t to say that Selena Gomez is fake, but she seems much more innocent and nice which makes a lot of people question how she could be so pure.

Anyways, in terms of acting skills though, I adore Selena’s methods. She does Alex Russo so well. Not only that, but even in other roles where she plays someone completely different from Alex, she does such a good job. In all the years of Disney shows, I think it’s safe to say that I loved Alex so much more than Miley, Lizzie, Raven, Sonny, etc… The story of Wizards (again, unrealistic as it was) was funny and so interesting. I know I sound like a five year old but I love the idea of magic. I like wands, spells, powers, and all of that stuff. I think that believing in it is silly but there probably isn’t one person in this World who would turn down the chance at being a wizard. The show always touched up on the idea of the power of family and friends, trust, and other good stuff.

The finale was… surreal. I mean, I knew the ending since my friend ruined it for me and I saw all the trending topics on Twitter, but watching it was so different. If it wasn’t for the spoilers, I honestly wouldn’t know who would win between Justin and Alex. I’m glad the ending was so sweet with Alex getting to be the family wizard and Justin becoming the head professor but I kind of feel bad for Max’s character. Yeah sure he seemed happy with being the owner of the Sub shop but his siblings get powers and he doesn’t? I mean… in all fairness, he could have easily won the competition as well. If he didn’t stop and check up on Justin and Alex’s situation, he could have easily ran right through that portal exit. I’m glad the ending was happy though but I will miss the show.

Since I no longer have access to the Disney channel on TV, I often had to check up on updates with the latest episodes of Wizards. Now that there won’t be any new episodes, I think it seems kind of empty. Have you guys ever had that feeling? When you finish a great drama, book, TV show, game… it just seems empty. Like, what do I do now? I guess I can still watch iCarly and Victorious (love those shows!) but there’s no more good Disney shows to follow. I’d watch “Pair of Kings” but it’s impossible to find a good quality video of it online for free. Ugh.

Anyways, enough about my emotional rollercoaster, here’s some crap I’ve been watching:

This video was the first video I watched on Youtube today and it’s hilarious. I adore David So when he’s “verbally abuses” someone who posts up rude videos. His commentary is always creative and just… watch it! 🙂

This video was too cute! I think both Justin and the kids were adorable. His answers to questions were funny and the kids seem to love him. The first question regarding Selena was just so… *keyboard smash*

Hyuna is so different from her stage/performing image! When she talks, her voice is so adorable! There’s quite a few other clips of her and Hyunseung together including the one where they were on some gag show and when they were hosting Music Core. I think these two should really start dating! Confirm those rumours!

ahh 2AM dancing to Kara’s “Step” and Wonder Girls’ “Be my Baby”! I love it when I see JoKwon dancing to girl group songs! He does them so well. I did not know he was muscular.

Tangled Ever After! I loved “Tangled”! The movie was funny and the characters were cool! Too bad this won’t be a full film 😦

Cute little clip! This was when Hankyung/Hangeng was still in Super Junior!

OK AND FINALLY…

It’s pretty long but I guarantee you’ll laugh… or at least smile! 🙂

Watch in the following order:

These are pretty old, but it get’s me laughing every time! 🙂

SIGH BACK TO STUDYING NOW.

See you… at the end of the month? :S

Posted by: rainbowclovers | January 2, 2012

rainbowclovers… is baaaack!

Okay, my title sounds stupid but it’ll make so much more sense after you see this:

Yeah? Get it? “The Wonder Girls… are baaack!” I don’t know why but I just never really liked the Wonder Girls. The first time I heard of them was when they had a comeback for “Nobody” and I found that song to be pretty cool and unique. Then, I heard another k-pop girl group singing to Wonder Girls’ “Tell me” and I found that song to be pretty catchy as well. This new song is catchy but I found the MV and dance really disappointing and awkward.

ANYWAYS,

I was going to do a post on the last day of school before the Winter Break but then I got lazy. Then, I thought that I should write a post for Christmas but I gave up on that. You can probably guess that I also wanted to make another post yesterday for New Years but decided against it too. So here I am… posting on a day that isn’t even all that special except for the fact that it’s my mom’s birthday. Not that anyone else in the world cares except for our family.

For the Winter Break post, I was going to discuss our Holiday Assembly, but now that the moment passed… it’s kind of irrelevant. Basically, a lot of our school’s performing-addicts presented songs, dances, or skits for the holidays! Every assembly we have, our school’s own dance crew (comprised of all Filipinos) would perform a hip-hop/b-boy dance. This year, they were probably the most anticipated act since they got the loudest cheers from all the students who attended the assembly. Other than that, the teacher’s dance was entertaining too.

Anywho, my grades are slipping again! ARGH. I guess all I can hope to do now is work harder and pwn my ISPs and final exams! Add Oil ~

Uh, not much else to say, so here’s videos again ~

1. Jay Park – Star
It’s his newest music video from his latest mini album called “New Breed: Part 1”. The song’s pretty nice but can he stop making out with every girl in his MVs!?!?! and I recommend it for anyone who likes Taeyang’s “I need a Girl”. Apparently, it was by the same producer? Lyricist? Someone…

2. Jay Park – I Got Your Back
Just another song on the mini-album that I like! 🙂

3. Trouble Maker – Trouble Maker
Oh my gosh! Basically, CUBE Entertainment paired up Hyunseung from B2ST and HyunA from 4minute together and formed a group called Trouble Maker. Their mini-album was really good and I liked it a lot. The dance was a bit provocative which caused this whole drama and they were forced to change a bit of the choreography. Anyways, I love this duo and they look great together!

4. JoKwon & Ga-in – Trouble Maker
ADAM COUPLE! These two did a much more classier (but still sexy!) version of Trouble Maker. Man, these two really should get married!

5. KevJumba – What is a True Friend?
Wewt, KevJumba’s back! The idea of this video was pretty lame but I liked Justin Chon’s lines. “What the fuck is that!? You look like a lil BITCH!” Oh man, I died laughing. :’D

6. IU & Yoseob – If You Want a Lover
I think this was so cute but it would have been so much better if it was G.NA instead of IU. Personal opinion, but I find IU extremely boring. Her songs and her image overall is too innocent and cute for my tastes. But, her voice is pretty nice to listen to and it compliments Yoseob’s really well.

7. Opening Theme for Bottled Passion
Recently, I’ve been watching the drama called Bottled Passion. Honestly, it’s one of the best of 2011-2012. It’s a change from all the police and palace dramas that TVB has been feeding us with lately. Plus, When Heaven Burns was not as great as I expected so… The story for this drama is absolutely amazing and I love how much depth is in the plot and characters. Plus, the fact that one of my favourite HK actor is playing the lead role just topped everything off! Not only was he a good actor, but the character that he played was so charming, funny, and awesome. I think everyone did amazing in this drama. If you followed my Twitter, you can tell that I’ve been obsessed with the series for the past little while. Too bad the ending sucked. 😐

8. Trailer for L’Escargot
Now that Bottled Passion and When Heaven Burns ended, it’s time for a new drama! I think this drama looks promising! The cast seems great and the story seems pretty simple and sweet!

9. Jonghyun and Key @ Star Golden Bell
Just a cute clip of two funny guys!

k, I’ll stop with the torture!

Not much more to say so I hope everyone has a good holiday! 🙂

Posted by: rainbowclovers | November 13, 2011

Meh.

This post is long overdue, but since I’m procrastinating like crazy right now…

Anyways, since my last update, not too much has changed. School’s been school but I have managed to pull up my biology grade. It was a 76% before but now it’s an flat 80%. It’s definitely still not as good as I wished it would be but I’m definitely working on it and I’m rather proud of how hard I had worked to be able to improve. My accounting mark did not change throughout the whole semester. It’s also not a great grade, but again, I’m working on it and I’m fairly confident it’ll be able to go up. My English grade is definitely not how I imagined it would be. I mean, the grade it is now is definitely not what someone would consider horrible, but I had really hoped that I would do better. Hopefully, by the end of this semester, it’ll reach the goal I had set for it.

Aside from school, university applications are coming up for me. This is my last year in high school! I honestly don’t know if I would even miss this place. I mean, high school is supposedly the best four years of your life but three years has past and I have yet to see this oh-so-amazing experience. I mean, the past years were not dull at all and there were some wonderful moments, but to say that they were the best years ever would be an overstatement. A lot of my friends have been saying that while we all wish to be off in university soon, we’ll all look back one day and realize that high school wasn’t as bad as how we think we’ll remember it. I guess they have a point, but at this very moment… all I can hope for is good grades and an acceptance letter or two into some good universities. The application process sounds fairly complex but nothing too difficult. I just hope I’m able to get everything right and give these universities a good impression. At this moment, I’m still not completely sure of what I want to go into which may not actually be that great. The application process starts very soon.

These last two days have been a complete bore. I felt tired, lazy, moody, confused, and frustrated. Somehow I don’t even have that much homework but just the thought of school and everything has probably been wearing me down. The two weeks before this were filled with quizzes, tests, assignments, and more assignments. I’ve started breaking out in some glorious pimples and all I want to do right now is grab some popcorn, lay down in bed, and watch some TV.

Anyways, since it’s been a while since I updated, a lot of new songs came out. The few songs that really stick out to me are:

1. SNSD – The Boys

I really liked the concept of the video. It’s so elegant and beautiful and not very similar to the concepts that they used to work with. SNSD seems so much more mature in “The Boys” and the song is pretty catchy too. The lyrics were unique and the dance was hypnotizing. I honestly find myself watching all their performances and still being stunned by how nice it is.

2. Jay Park – Girlfriend

I’ll be the first to say that I was probably the first person to hear that he was going to release a new single. As soon as allkpop tweeted about it, I had seen it on my friend’s phone and had rushed home after school to listen to the song. To be completely honest, I wasn’t that impressed by the song at first but it really did grow on me. I think I started really listening to it more when the MV came out and I was stunned by how simple and sweet it was. I really liked seeing Jay in such casual clothes and act in such a cute music video. His past music videos for “Abandoned” or “Tonight” were alright, but I really liked this one at lot more. His hair was hot here and so was he. I do have to admit, the kiss scene made me want to lock myself up in my room forever and ever until he somehow found a way to my lips too. Kidding! Not really.

3. T-ARA – Goodbye, Ok

This song was just released one or two days ago. There’s currently no MV for it, but it’s probably my favourite song on their new mini-album. Since their debut, I haven’t even watched anything related to T-ARA except B2ST’s performance of one of their songs. I didn’t have any opinions on their music since it seemed kind of boring. I have to say though, this song and mini-album was pretty good and fits perfectly under the type of music I enjoy listening to.

4. Brown Eyed Girls – Sixth Sense

I really, really liked this music video and the whole concept that they came up with for this. Whether it is true or not, I’m not completely sure, but each girl was supposedly a character representing a sort of rebellion in the k-pop industry. For example, Ga-in was against the idea of girls who just sit around and look cute. She played a role like a female soldier who seemed powerful and sexy. Anyways, the song was catchy and fun. I was very disappointed to see that it took them so long to win a music award. To be completely honest as well, to see them lose to INFINITE was really annoying too. Nothing against INFINITE and their fans, but I felt that Brown Eyed Girls had taken two years to make a comeback, and they weren’t even recognized for their talents as soon as they should have.

Aside from those new releases, I’ve also been getting into more Raymond Lam music. I almost always download the songs that he sings for openings of dramas. I figured that since I normally like those songs, I should look into some more songs from him. I found:

1. Raymond Lam – Broken

I’m not completely sure when this song was released but it sounds really nice and it was on replay for the longest time.

2. Raymond Lam – CHOK

I first heard this song on a HK TV show called “What the Face Chok Chok Chok”. The title of the show sounds pretty dumb but it’s actually really funny. Recently, HK came up with a new slang word called “chok” which was first used on Raymond Lam. The meaning is basically someone who has a very cool looking face. For example, if someone were to say, “Wow, is face was so chok in that scene!” would mean that he looked very cool. The music video got really bad ratings on Youtube and a lot of people found the song to be crappy, but I personally thought it was an interesting concept for Raymond Lam. While the gangster look doesn’t suit him and the music video was awkward, the song itself is fun.

3. 試煉 MV – 林峯 Raymond Lam (HD 高清版)

This music video was used for his most recently drama titled, “Men with no Shadows”. The drama was pretty garbage if you asked me, but Raymond’s voice is angelic as always and I had to download the song.

Aside from these Raymond Lam and k-pop songs, I’ve also been listening to some oldies like Jesse McCartney, past songs by Mariah Carey, Tamia, and Pussycat Dolls.

OH! Random thought… but “Lives of Omissions” ended a while back but the opening and ending theme songs were catchy. They had a bit of rock mixed into them which isn’t normally songs I’d like but I felt that Michael Tse and Bosco did it really well, so here’s Michael’s music video for the opening theme song:

Bosco’s video got deleted but I’m sure if anyone really cares, they’ll be able to find it.

[casually slips into another topic]

Since last night, I’ve been obsessed with re-watching and discovering old WongFu videos. I had signed onto Youtube to see that WongFu had put up a almost 25 minute long video (split into two parts) on their journey to Taiwan to shoot for Leehom’s music video. I felt that watching them progress so much through the years is really amazing. I haven’t followed WongFu since the very beginning, but it has been a while. They had most recently gotten a lot of love and praise for their short called, “Strangers, again”. I was a fan of them about.. 432759843 videos before that. It’s definitely been a long journey for them and it did take them a long while to finally reach their one million subscriber. Anyways, watching their journey to Taiwan was really nice. I think it looked amazing and fun. Despite the fact that they worked long, hard hours on the music video pre-production, production, and editing, the idea of just traveling to another place to make a music video for an international pop star was amazing. I honestly think WongFu is so inspiring and their work is always so creative.

Aside from watching the stunning behind-the-scenes work, I was honestly pleased to see them working on a project that wouldn’t be in English. While I’ve seen their mini-series in HK, I haven’t seem much of WongFu themselves speaking their own language. Hearing Phil speak in Mandarin was really nice. Since I don’t want to flood this post with any more videos, I think people should go to their Youtube page and watch their last two videos. After hearing him speak Mandarin, I went to find if there were any other videos of them speaking in Cantonese/Mandarin. I managed to find these:

Unfortunately in the video above, Wesley’s Cantonese segment was edited out. It was honestly shocking to hear Ted speaking Mandarin since he rarely speaks his own language in comparison to Wesley and Philip.
I had always imagined that he would be the best at speaking his language though since his English never appeared to be as great as the other two.

Bottom line is, I feel that WongFu has progressed a lot. They look so much more mature now too. In two years, you can really see the difference in not only their looks but their projects. Watching Phil and Wesley work on Leehom’s video was really cool and interesting. They’re in inspiring and if I had the patience to learn, I feel that I would really enjoy a job like theirs. 🙂

Still quite a bit so say, but I should get going on my English Hamlet paper.

Feels great to be back!

My next post probably won’t be for a while but I’ll see, haha.

Posted by: rainbowclovers | October 10, 2011

All my rage.

Recently, things have just been pissing me off.

Whether it’s been school or my parents, or just the stress of both of them put together, I just feel the need to smash heads into bricks.

Let’s start off with school.

A while back, I got a 38% on my math test which I’m obviously not proud about. I started off my first quiz with a 51%, a test with 38%, and another quiz with 63%. Last year, I managed to start off my math quizzes with 97%, a test with 83%, and another quiz with 95%. I mean, I’m not tooting my own horn, but my math skills were never that bad before I was hit in the face with shitty math grades starting in sophomore year. Junior year’s math class was good and now that I’m a senior again, my math sucks again. Partially, I guess, is my fault for not studying hard enough. However, I really though that doing all my math homework and practices while cramming so hard would at least get me a decent grade of 75%. Another reason is probably due to the fact that my math teacher is the hardest math teacher in the department. Her teaching is great and all, but her tests are killer. Anyways, when I found out that I got that 38%, I freaked out. My first instinct wasn’t even, “oh shoot, I’ll never make it into university!” My first thought was, “oh god, how do I tell my mom? She’ll be so disappointed.” Well, she was disappointed, to say the least. I came home to a loving mother who questioned my intellect and then told me I’m a failure who will never make it into any university. I’m lazy, irresponsible, and I’ll be sitting back in high school as I watch my friends go off into Waterloo and other famous universities or colleges. That didn’t hurt though. I’m used to her and my dad insulting me like that. What pissed me off was her ignoring my existence for five days as if I actually did something terribly wrong to offend her. Well, what do you want me to apologize for? The fact that I tried hard but still did bad? The fact that I didn’t live up to your damn expectations? The fact that I just to happen to have a witch for my math teacher? After five days of ignoring me, she suddenly decided to have a random screaming outburst at me during dinner telling me to drink more soup. WHAT THE HELL? Then, she goes on ignoring me for a couple more days.

School is pissing me off too. I feel that if I start on it, I’ll go into even more of an all-out rage. Let’s just say my grades are crap and I can’t seem to boost them up to the mark I want.

Now, what’s pissing me off at this moment is my dad. Basically, my mom is very weak in terms of her health. She gets sick easily, and any little thing can make her throw up, have stomach pains, and cause her to take pills. Usually though, when it comes down to it, the “problem” isn’t even a problem because it’s never something serious. Recently though, she had kidney stones but it’s fine now. However, this morning, she woke up feeling dizzy and started vomiting. Don’t get me wrong, I mean.. obviously I’m concerned for her. I wouldn’t want my mom going anywhere. However, what pisses me off is how anxious my dad gets when my mom is ill. I mean, they’ve been married for almost 20 years. It’s not uncommon that she gets sick like this. What she needs now is to rest, drink water, and sleep. My dad is panicking like there’s no tomorrow and he’s getting frustrated by everything. Him getting frustrated with me gets me frustrated with the situation since it’s clearly not a big deal. While I’m here doing my biology report, my mom is in the other room saying things like, “If you’re hungry, just — ..” and “There might be some food in the — ..” So in response, I say, “I can’t hear you.” What I was trying to get at was, “It’s okay mom. I’m not hungry, just rest and leave me alone.” My dad, who hears me talking from downstairs, starts screaming at me with, “Why are you so fucking stupid? If you can’t fucking hear mom, walk the fuck over to her room.” NO DAD, NO. I have my own ways of approaching this. I was trying to get mom to stop talking and sleep. I don’t want to walk over just for her to repeat herself for the 10th time and have me just walk out with useless information. Do you think that if mom was saying something like, “Get me my sweater — ..” or “Help me — ..” that I would IGNORE HER? Obviously if I find it important, I would go over and help her.

It pisses me off that my dad feels the need to cuss me off just to tell me that I should listen to mom. No dad, you don’t need to be an ignorant asshole. I know very well that I should respect her. I know that if she needs help, I’ go over. But right now, she needs to rest and I don’t need you to tell me how I should act when she’s just telling me stupid things.

Every damn day, my dad seems to find a way to be creative and piss the fuck out of me.

I hope they know that my reason for wanting to go to a university far away from home is mostly because I want to be away from the constant screaming, constant criticizing, and constant stupidity.

Posted by: rainbowclovers | September 24, 2011

:'(

For lack of better words, the emoticon in my title should pretty much sum up how my week has been.

I really don’t even know how to start this entry. I was debating about whether I even wanted to post it. However, now that I’m already typing, I don’t think I want to stop until my story is done. I have two other drafts in my folders of issues I wanted to mention throughout the times I was inactive on WordPress. Those things seem so trivial to what I’m going to say now.

Is it cliche to say that “everything has changed” and “nothing will ever be the same”? I don’t even know how I want to describe this situation.

Suddenly all those times I wished my dad got slapped, those times I get a 50% on a test or quiz, those times my friends did me wrong seem all so stupid. Why get mad if I am still living and healthy?

It’s currently 4:17 P.M on a Saturday afternoon where I am.

My uncle (dad’s older brother) passed away on the morning of Monday, just a couple days earlier.

To clarify the situation, let me just mention a little background story. My deceased uncle, Uncle G, is the older brother of my father and my other uncle (dad’s younger brother). This just means that my dad is the middle child and the uncle who passed was the eldest. My dad’s younger brother, Uncle M, has one son who you would have guessed, is my cousin. He goes to the same high school that I do and he’s exactly one year younger than me (I’m a senior and he’s a Junior). My Uncle G lives with his wife, Aunt Y. Along with them, lives my Aunt Y’s stepsister (Auntie P), her husband, and their son (Little boy C). Uncle G and his wife were unable to have a child and as a result, Auntie P’s son became like a son to them. Auntie P’s mother used to live with them but because of family complications, she had moved out and lived on her own. However, every morning, she would come over and drop off Little Boy C at the bus stop and he would board the school bus to his middle school.

Since the recession a couple of years back, my dad had unfortunately lost his job. Our family’s money matters didn’t really matter much since my dad made a fairly decent living before he lost his job. It was only until two months ago that my dad figured he should probably go and look for a job again. There was only so much chores to do around the house, and he had just graduated from his second careers schooling. However, while he was unemployed, my cousin and I were fairly happy. This was because he drove us to school every morning and we didn’t have to take the public transit to school. His driving avoided many bus stops and we got to school faster and more comfortably. Here’s where my story really begins …

On Monday morning, my dad left the parking lot and drove out to where my cousin would be waiting to get on the car before we headed off to school. As soon as my cousin sat inside the car, my dad got a phone call. Because of the new driving laws, drivers were supposed to always wear a bluetooth or have their phone on speaker so they wouldn’t have to hold onto their phone while driving. Well, my dad had his phone on speaker. He picked up the phone, and you heard my mom crying on the other side. She said she just a phone call from Little Boy C’s grandma (who came to drop him off at the bus stop). The grandma had said that Uncle G passed away. Since we were only a one minute drive away, my father quickly rushed over to the building where my Uncle G lived. He told my cousin and I that we wouldn’t be going to school today. At that moment, I can honestly say that I didn’t believe my Uncle was dead. To be completely honest, my only thoughts were, “She’s probably just exaggerating and confused. She’s old and my uncle is probably just sleeping and she mistaken it for death. But yay! I get to miss school!” Thinking back, that thought was beyond immature.

We got off the car and rushed upstairs. When my dad opened the door, there were over 3 police standing inside the home. One was in the kitchen talking to Little Boy C. The grandma was in tears as she came screaming to my dad, “HE DIED! HE DIED!” My dad rushed into his brother’s bedroom but was stopped by the police who said he had to wait outside until matters were settled. My mom came running over soon after. Aunt Y, Auntie P, and Uncle M were notified shortly after and they all took days off their jobs to rush home. Everything had happened so fast that my cousin and I were pretty much speechless the whole time. Everyone was just nervous, anxious, and just wanted to see the body. After the chat with the police, Little Boy C came over to my cousin and I. His eyes were red and he was crying so hard. I guess it was difficult for him. He’s only in 7th grade and he had witnessed the actual passing of someone so close to him. He looked at my cousin and I and said, “Are you guys sad? You probably are. Uncle was always so nice to us. He helped us with so much. You guys should be sad.” It seems stupid now, but at that moment, I think myself and my cousin wanted to just punch him. Who are you to tell us to be sad? Who are you to tell us Uncle helped us a lot in life? We know all this. He’s actually OUR uncle. I know it wasn’t just me who thought this though. What it really was, was jealousy. I was kind of jealous that this boy, who has no blood relation to us, is so much closer to Uncle G than my cousin and I ever were. Our uncle probably loved him a lot more too. Now that the funeral is officially over, I guess I don’t mind as much anymore. Sure, I wish I was closer with him and my uncle loved us all more, but Little Boy C deserved the love and attention. He did actually live with my Uncle G for all his life. Yeah, he’s not as good in school as I am, and not as athletic and cool as my cousin, but he was still a just a kid like us.

Anyways, my dad drove us to school after a while. In all fairness, we weren’t much of use around there and we might as well have attended school. For that whole day, I was just a lot quieter. A part of me really wanted my friends to ask, “What’s wrong?” and show some care. The other part of me really just felt like I shouldn’t even laugh or have fun because of what happened. How could I be enjoying my day when my uncle just passed?

Uncle M drove me home after school and that was pretty much the end of it … until yesterday night.

The week went by fairly fast. I failed all my quizzes and tests and I was just off point for everything. But that’s not the point of this post …

Last night, after school, my mom and dad drove my cousin and I to the funeral home. We got there around 4:30 P.M and helped set up. Well, the adults were setting up and my cousin and I just sat and talked.

Have you ever seen a family member in a coffin at the front of a room of chairs? I haven’t until last night. I won’t lie though … I was scared. My stupidity kicked in and a part of me was really still thinking, “This is all a joke. Uncle G will be here soon and we’re all going to attend this event.” I kept thinking it was all just a big prank and my uncle will wake up from his sleep, get his ass out of the coffin, and shout out, “JUST KIDDING, GUYS!”

Yeah, he didn’t.

When my mom, my dad, my cousin, and I walked up next to the coffin, I was scared. I was scared I’d see him breathing. I was scared he’ll start moving. I was scared I was going to get nightmares that night and I was just lost. Because of the makeup, his face looked grayish with a small hint of purple. He was in a nice tuxedo with his hands across his stomach. I wasn’t going to cry. I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry. Why?

I’ll be honest. I’m not that close with my Uncle G. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say our closeness was around a 6-7? Don’t get me wrong, I can tell him a lot of things. I wasn’t afraid to tell my uncle that my dad was a douche, I wasn’t afraid to complain about school either. We could talk. What I know my Uncle G as is “that uncle that fixes my computer.” Whenever my internet is down, my computer gets a virus, or anything goes wrong with my stupid computer, Uncle G came over to fix it. He taught me so many times how to do things myself, but I always relied on him being there to do it for me. Well, that was stupid. I used to always get annoyed when my Uncle G would tell me to go lose weight, or when he kept nagging me to do things. However, when it comes down to it at the end of the day, he was a good guy. He let me used his Paypal account to buy shirts I wanted. He always stood on my side whenever I was in a fight or situation with someone else. I mean, what other uncle is going to look at me for 17 years, and then randomly ask me, “Dude, why did you shave half your eyebrows?” when my eyebrows have never changed. I guess the reason we weren’t as close is because I only talked to him when I needed help with homework, with computer fixing, or when we get together for family dinners.

Anyways, I was able to hold my tears in for a large portion of last night. My cousin and I, along with Aunt Y and Little Boy C stood by each other as guests came in to bow and say their farewells. I got to say, my Uncle is a popular man. A lot of guests came in to pay their respects and my Uncle M, Aunt Y, Aunt P, her husband, and my dad made sure to thank each guest. In the middle of the event, my cousin and I went up to my mom and complained. We felt we weren’t even needed. We were standing by Aunt Y as guests came in, but all the guests just skipped by us and went straight to hugging Little Boy C. Jealousy. Again. Mom told us to just ignore it and the fact that we were there was enough and that we shouldn’t mind if others didn’t know who we were.

The visiting time ranged from 4:30 to 8:30. I managed to hold my tears in for four hours. I guess there really wasn’t much to hold in though. My Uncle and I weren’t that close so even though tears kept coming up in my eyes, they never really rolled down my face. It was like this until 8:45. All the guests left, and my parents decided to tell me to walk over and say one last goodbye. Then I cried. A part of me cried because I was sad my Uncle had passed, but the biggest reason behind my tears was because my dad was crying. My dad is rude, blunt, and his words are just hurtful sometimes. He never cries and he believes that no human needs friends. Despite all this, I can say my dad is loyal, respectful, and really loves and cares for his family. To see such a strong man cry, made me cry. Even though he was speaking to is brother in a different dialect, I still heard some words. Something along the lines of, “Big brother, it’s okay. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. Take care. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Typing this just makes me cry. The fact that my dad would spend hours at home ranting about how my Uncle G was too nice and easily fooled, he was still a good brother. I hated hearing my dad whimpering, hear him sniffling … it made me highly uncomfortable and I guess I kinda broke down too.

We got home around 9:30 last night. I slept around midnight.

This morning, we reached the funeral home at 8:45 A.M. There was one last visiting time for guests before the coffin was moved to the cemetery. I held it together for pretty much the whole time. I guess part of the reason was because my stomach was hurting like crazy and I just couldn’t focus on anything else. Towards the end, all family members said their last farewells and other guests bowed and hugged my aunt as they walked by all of us and told us that they were sorry for our loss and hope us all the best. I cried here. This time it wasn’t because of my dad but because of my Aunt Y. Earlier on, she had dropped down to her knees in front of the coffin, crying her heart out. She was screaming at my Uncle.

“Why did you leave me all alone?!”
“Our 20th anniversary is coming up soon! We haven’t even been married for 20 years!”

Now she was bawling and it was the last time she could see her husband before the coffin was to be closed.

Anyways, everyone left and we all met again at the burial site.

What was I thinking?

It’s sad that the only time our family is so close, so together, is because someone died. Aunts flew in from another country, and others drove a couple hours just to be here. Feuds are everywhere in my family. She can’t get along with her. She spread rumours about them, and it’s all just a big mess.

I’ve seen people dressed in black and white at the cemetery before. That was all in dramas though. This was the first time I ever attended one. I guess almost everyone teared up a bit, but my Aunt Y broke down. Again. She was kneeling in the grass, with many people around her. Let me tell you something about my Aunt Y. She’s scary. She isn’t afraid to cuss of strangers, give people a dirty look, and scream at anyone who crosses her. To see her cry is the same as seeing my dad cry. They were both so mentally strong that seeing them with tears rolling down their face is just so shocking.

That’s pretty much it.

The funeral home itself was beautiful. I remember walking in yesterday and thinking, “For such a sad place, this funeral home is gorgeous!” Everything was really nice and it was great that so many people could home.

As for me, I’m … better. Like I said, I cried because my heart just ached at the sight of my father and aunt cry. Sure, I’m sad, but I’ll be over it soon.

But I know that when I get a virus again and when I’m in desperate need of computer fixing, I’ll probably think back to what happened yesterday and today and just break down.

😦

Edit: It was said that this post has 2,666 words. The number didn’t seem right, so …

Here’s to say: I hope you’re in a better place now!

Posted by: rainbowclovers | July 19, 2011

Lazy

I’m currently too lazy to type a long post, so here’s a stupid little poem/blurb to summarize.

I’m lazy,
tired,
sleepy.

I want to do nothing today.

But I can’t.

Summer school blows.

No time to rest,
all study.

I have a cold.
In summer.
Kill me now.

ARGHHHHHHH.

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